guys you know whats gotten to me this year alone

i havent done much R18 at all this year. im feeling that im doing something wrong or something right, its a really confusing i had took, i went from r18 to going soft nowadays

maybe the pressure is getting into me with the presence ihave built in my social media. tell me guys what should i do at this stage, i just need some advice from you guys, not the twitter or anything